I worked at the morgue. I always told new people that early on so we didn’t waste each other’s time before they made excuses and bailed out of the conversation. Not everybody did it but enough to make it a common thing. They immediately thought I was a ghoul, or worse, but I wasn’t really. I did the job because it was a job and dead people didn’t bother me. Except for being hard to haul around, they were much easier to work with than the living. You could put somebody dead on the slab and they stayed there for hours on end without a single complaint, you try to do that with somebody living and see how far you get before they piss and moan.
‘But what about zombies?’ People said and I rolled my eyes. First or all, zombies aren’t really a thing, and if they were then I would want to be the first one to go because everything that comes after that is just going to be a shit-show. Likewise vampires, skeletons and parasites. Just come for me and get it over with. “But aren’t dead bodies gross?” They’d say and I’d shrug. A dead person is exactly as gross as were as they were as a living person, which could be anything from textbook human specimen to abomination of nature. Just because you died doesn’t mean you looked after yourself any better or worse when you were alive. Death is not a magic wand, it’s a permanent parking space.
Of course, when I was in the back of the ambulance, none of that meant anything. I was strapped down with a paramedic clutching at my throat to stop the bleeding and all I could do was think about all the shitty choices I’d made about the big and the small stuff alike. I hoped that when people looked at me on the slab, they saw a noble human being, who did their best before their life was tragically cut short. So basically I wanted death to totally retcon my entire existence into something meaningful, which I knew wasn’t going to happen because it never happened for anybody else. That’s why I started laughing and the paramedic got scared, which just made me laugh even harder. It killed me but at least I died laughing at myself.